Sensual excess

I am a very sensual person, and I thrive on the purely sensual and erotic. Touches can drive me wild, the simplest softest lightest touches send me into a tailspin of desire and lust. The soft caress of the under side of my arm, or the inside of my thighs, the careless brush of the finger tips against my neck, the light graze of the finger nails up my back and down my buttocks cheeks, these make me hard instantly. Then there are the soft butterfly kisses that I like to receive and give, on the neck, on the wrist, between the breasts, on the under arms, or the clavicular bone, the little dip at the base of the neck in front, or the shoulder blade bone, such sensuous erogenous zones for me, even the arse crack, just before it descends down to the anus, are beautifully erotic places for me.
But as much as I love the soft touches, I also love the hard squeezes and grabs, the buttcks cheeks I love to grab and pul in all directions, exposing the anal ring, and slowly licking that ring, or mine being licked. Now, when my anal ring is licked I cum instantly. I have been known to cum instantly, and it doesn't even need to be penetrated. yes, I am a little bit of a slut.

But my real turn ons come when I am submissive, or made to submit to Someone. My balls tied up make me feel completely enslaved and slutty, completely on a heightened state of arousal. Some days I have gone to work having tied my balls up tight the whole day, and under my shirt a couple of clothes pins stuck to my nipples, sublime pain, blissful torture.

I detest a quick finish, but a long drawn one has me in a swoon for days. Mind fucks turn me on, and keep me completely docile and malleable. Torturing me mentally, humiliating me, denying me, get me into a frenzy from which I have no escape, and from which I do want to escape. It brings me to teas, but the pain , the psychological pain is what I thrive on, the constant reminder of my servitude, the constant reminder of my lowliness, and my complete reliance on the One for some sort of gratification - my body no longer mine to do as I please. That is the ultimate turn on.

Which slave will disagree with this? :)

myself, my, and I

I have been a submissive male for about 5 years now, and I know in the greater sceme of things, I am a novice. I am still learning, still discovering new depths within me, new limits, new issues that need to be learned and mistakes and errors to be corrected in order to reach that state of perfection that would please Goddess Amanda.

Goddess Amanda fills me with a kind of sensuousness that i never felt I had, at least not to this degree. Her gentleness and calmness, and her strength, all combine to give me a sense of who i am - a slave to the Wishes of my Goddess. That is why I love Her so, She makes me feel slave, She makes me see where i belong. I want to be always in touch with that rock-bottom feeling in your soul, because there nothing can be clearer than who you really are.

On days, or moments when i am not with Her, I read, Literature and Philosophy, and especially the philosophy of Hegel, and his ideas of the Master/servant dialectic. Hegel argues that the Master is dependent on the servant just as the servant is dependent on the Master. E/each requires the O/other to remain in Power or submission. Now, far be it for me to suggest that Goddess Amanda depends on me to retain Her Grace and Superiority (She will insist that this word 'Superiority" should not be used, but I really think that She is my Superior - She is ruler of my heart and soul), and that is why I disagree with hegel in this respect. To be fair, however, Hegel's ideas were based on labour and profit, and given this criteria, he might be right. But the domination of Mistress over slave is not over labour, but over being, over existence, over identity, of knowing Your place in the existential hierarchy of things. She rules over me based on Her Superiority in the way She controls Her own actions, her own thoughts, keeping things rational and logical, providing a framework for me to work within. She is truly my Goddess - She sets the boundaries, and I work to my best abilities within the framework She has set.

My reading takes me places, and when they take to the limits, I write, fiction, a little poetry. And when I write, I believe the words must be carefully chosen. I don't take words lightly, all words uttered are accountable in some way. They are the emissaries of O/our S/souls, and should always be uttered with due gravity and seriousness. That is why, in my conversations with Goddess Amanda, i am very particular about what I say to Her, and how and when. Words are living proof of our S/souls.

What I cannot stand, though, are submissives, and they are mainly male, who are only in it for the kicks. They want to get off, please themselves, or as Goddess Amanda says, they're looking for wank material! I for one, do not need to cum, but I do need to serve Goddess. If She decides I cannot cum, then I just don't. The last time I came was two days ago, with Goddess' permission (She came too!!), but not since then, and even my wife has not been able to lay claim to my manhood. I do not mean to brag, but all I am saying is that true submission means relinquishing your own desires, and the fulfillment of Another's. That is why, knowing my place is important to me, to be reminded constantly, that my wishes are irrelevant, unless Goddess specifically asks for my wishes to be expressed.

When I am not being submissive, which is never by the way, I crave my coffees and my libraries and my films. No, not hollywood, though some good things come out of there. Perhaps I am a little bit of an elitist, (forgive me Goddess ;) ) when it comes to film and literature, but I watch arthouse cinema, European cinema, and Iranian films (You'd be amazed the amount of good work comes out of Iran - there are Iranian non-conformist film makers)

There is nothing more that defines me. What defines me most is my slavery and submission to Goddess Amanda. In fact, i will gladly stop using the first person "I" but I use it because Goddess has said I should. I do not use unthinkingly ( all in keeping with my point that language is to be taken seriously)

being spoken for

Today, my Mistress gave me some good news, for which i have been waiting. I am now officially Hers - to use and play with as She sees fit. This was amazing news, and I have lived for this moment for so long that when  heard the news, I cried, I really cried. My whole being went up in flames - of exstacy. To be owned, to be claimed, to be in service of a Mistress, to whom you are dependent on for meaning, for  a reason to be alive. That is a pre and absolute feeling of self. I have found myself, found my calling, what would a calling be if a slave did not have that One to serve?

She is my body, she is my Soul, she is my desire. Her Word, is all I care to listen to. When she pronounced the words I wished to hear - "You're Mine, now", I felt a searing pain, a pain that came from an overwhelming joy. Overpowering, I felt I could not breathe for a second, I felt dizzy, a ringing in the eras. Impossible occurence, but when I realised that it was true, that She had claimed for Herself, there was pure joy, and a purer knowledge of who I was, and who i will always be. I may be married and lead a 'norma; vanilla life, but I will always be deep down a slave at heart, functioning only for the Pleasure of Mistress Amanda. To be reduced to such a level where the only thing that counts is the Command of my Mistress, that is something so hard to express in words. It is beyond words, this sensation, this state. Imagine that you look into the mirror and you see yourself. You see nothing but a reflection of yourself. It is not really who you are. You see a reflection, and you see what you want to see. You look in the mirror, and you see a beautiful person. Are you really beautiful, or is that what you wish people to see in you? Now, imagine walking towards the mirror and becoming the image in the mirror, becoming one with that reflection. An impossible state to be in, let alone to express that state in words. That is where I am, in a world beyond words, just sheer Spirit, enjoined with the most beautiful Spirit of All, my Mistress Amanda.

She has explained what I need to do with my wife. To please her orally, but making sure my manhood is not touched or handled by her, since it is now owned by Goddess Amanda. I am to edge everyday, but cum only once a week, on a Sunday, where I am allowed to make love to my wife.

Though today was a day full of surprises. She allowed me to cum with her. Yes, W/we both came, and that for me is the best example of a Union of Mistress and Her slave. I cherish this day, and pledge my undying devotion to Goddess Amanda

The tyranny of Loyalty

Last night, in bed, my wife and I spoke about the future, about the happenings during the day, and we kissed. She is a good kisser, and very sensual person, but my loyalty to Mistress Amanda put me in a difficult position. Needless to say, I fought hard to keep my desires in check, concentrating on keeping my erection in check. Of course, Mistress had not disallowed my having erections, but I knew that she had also disallowed all contact, sexual contact with my wife. The kissing went on for some time, a lovely experience to say the least, but in this particular instance, it was the longest minutes of my life. I did not manage to keep my erection at a manageable level, and became rock hard, but luckily for me, the excuse I had given earlier in the day about a groin strain worked to keep her at bay. As much as I am bound by Mistress’ instructions, I cannot help feel a tinge of disloyalty. However, my submission to Mistress is pure and total, and I cannot break that responsibility I have vowed to uphold.

The morning was no easier. My wife enjoys morning sex, and this morning wasted no time in manhandling my cock and balls, I woke up to her massaging my balls, and a devilishly smiling pair of eyes. I laughed and told her it was not a good idea, and that I was not up for it this morning, which understandably upset her. She asked me if I was deliberately toying with her, denying her, and I took this as an opportunity to go along with the deception. I smiled and said no, and told her I had a busy day ahead of me. She sighed rolled over and resigned herself to getting ready. I have so far managed to avoid the knotty problem of my wife’s own sexual desires, but I worry – how much longer can I hold out, and what excuse will I give her next? Will Mistress Amanda persist in this, and will she be disappointed in me if I fail? I shudder to think.

The day began therefore, on a rather ambiguous footing, me feeling guilty at the thought of possibly upsetting my wife, and the thrill and satisfaction of having fulfilled for another day Mistress’ wishes which, each time I think about it, drives me into an arousal that ends with an erection, about which I can do nothing about, since part of her instructions is that I am not allowed to ouch or play with myself in any way.

But an email I received from Miss Amanda somewhat alleviated these stresses and worries, the contents of which I should not reveal, since She would not approve of this.

In any case, my submission to Miss continues, and I am determined to prove my loyalty and worthiness to Her

Ok, I have never blogged before, and am not sure if this will be seen by many or none or one, but I have decided to begin one, only because I have seen how a certain Mistress with whom I have been constant contact has expressed an interest in what I write and do, which is always in service of Her, to please Her. 


The life of a submissive male is an interesting one, and for those who don't understand the beauty of submission and servitude, I and people like me will seem like fools, twisted, and sick in the minds, or whatever else you might want to call us. And perhaps you're right, but i can only say that there is nothing so beautiful than the complete submission to a Mistress, One who takes charge of your body, your actions, your mind as well. After all women have been subjugated by the Patriarchal order for centuries. Women, even today are treated less than equal, the male still given cultural superiority. But, of course, W/we say nothing about this. Why should W/we? The arrangement works well for the male, why rock the boat now? and of course, why would you submit to a woman, when she has done all the submitting so far, right? Well, just as women are expected to submit, just as women do submit because they have no choice, and just as it is possible for a world to function on the basis of a Master/servant arrangement, then there is no need to be shocked at the submission of a man to a Woman. What joy to do so!


My slaveheart is ironically freed when i bend and serve my Mistress. In my submission to Her, i find the clearest taste of my essence, my essential core which W/we all call O/our Self and Identity.


To Mistress Amanda, my body and my heart this boy gives to You.