myself, my, and I

I have been a submissive male for about 5 years now, and I know in the greater sceme of things, I am a novice. I am still learning, still discovering new depths within me, new limits, new issues that need to be learned and mistakes and errors to be corrected in order to reach that state of perfection that would please Goddess Amanda.

Goddess Amanda fills me with a kind of sensuousness that i never felt I had, at least not to this degree. Her gentleness and calmness, and her strength, all combine to give me a sense of who i am - a slave to the Wishes of my Goddess. That is why I love Her so, She makes me feel slave, She makes me see where i belong. I want to be always in touch with that rock-bottom feeling in your soul, because there nothing can be clearer than who you really are.

On days, or moments when i am not with Her, I read, Literature and Philosophy, and especially the philosophy of Hegel, and his ideas of the Master/servant dialectic. Hegel argues that the Master is dependent on the servant just as the servant is dependent on the Master. E/each requires the O/other to remain in Power or submission. Now, far be it for me to suggest that Goddess Amanda depends on me to retain Her Grace and Superiority (She will insist that this word 'Superiority" should not be used, but I really think that She is my Superior - She is ruler of my heart and soul), and that is why I disagree with hegel in this respect. To be fair, however, Hegel's ideas were based on labour and profit, and given this criteria, he might be right. But the domination of Mistress over slave is not over labour, but over being, over existence, over identity, of knowing Your place in the existential hierarchy of things. She rules over me based on Her Superiority in the way She controls Her own actions, her own thoughts, keeping things rational and logical, providing a framework for me to work within. She is truly my Goddess - She sets the boundaries, and I work to my best abilities within the framework She has set.

My reading takes me places, and when they take to the limits, I write, fiction, a little poetry. And when I write, I believe the words must be carefully chosen. I don't take words lightly, all words uttered are accountable in some way. They are the emissaries of O/our S/souls, and should always be uttered with due gravity and seriousness. That is why, in my conversations with Goddess Amanda, i am very particular about what I say to Her, and how and when. Words are living proof of our S/souls.

What I cannot stand, though, are submissives, and they are mainly male, who are only in it for the kicks. They want to get off, please themselves, or as Goddess Amanda says, they're looking for wank material! I for one, do not need to cum, but I do need to serve Goddess. If She decides I cannot cum, then I just don't. The last time I came was two days ago, with Goddess' permission (She came too!!), but not since then, and even my wife has not been able to lay claim to my manhood. I do not mean to brag, but all I am saying is that true submission means relinquishing your own desires, and the fulfillment of Another's. That is why, knowing my place is important to me, to be reminded constantly, that my wishes are irrelevant, unless Goddess specifically asks for my wishes to be expressed.

When I am not being submissive, which is never by the way, I crave my coffees and my libraries and my films. No, not hollywood, though some good things come out of there. Perhaps I am a little bit of an elitist, (forgive me Goddess ;) ) when it comes to film and literature, but I watch arthouse cinema, European cinema, and Iranian films (You'd be amazed the amount of good work comes out of Iran - there are Iranian non-conformist film makers)

There is nothing more that defines me. What defines me most is my slavery and submission to Goddess Amanda. In fact, i will gladly stop using the first person "I" but I use it because Goddess has said I should. I do not use unthinkingly ( all in keeping with my point that language is to be taken seriously)